We could never learn to be brave and patient, if there were only joy in the world.
Helen Keller

Time Flies..

Again, months have passed since I last posted, most of my readers have faded into nothingness.

I finally landed a teaching job about a month after my last post. I started working at an Autism day school. My students had severe Autism, severe cognitive disabilities, and very (VERY) severe behavior disorders. What did that mean for me? Four months of misery.

So, I kept searching for a different job and managed to land a new teaching position in a safer environment. I also had to take a huge pay cut to do it.

New job is o.k. - beginning to think maybe teaching isn't the place for me. Lots of stress, not much support, and everyone knows more than I do (or so they think). When you go into teaching, no one tells you you'll spend 14 - 16 hours per day, everyday of the school year just to keep your head above water. Summers? Vacations? That's when the rest of the stuff gets done that you don't have time for during the school year!

I have no life outside my job.

Another year gone by...

Almost a year has gone by since I last posted. I didn't even bother to read it. So much has changed for me.

• I made it through the student teaching assignment, graduated with my degree in special education, only to struggle for the past year looking for a job. I'm still looking.
• My oldest son turned 16...... it's hard to believe. Where have the years gone.
• By September, a very difficult teacher had me thinking about home schooling my 8th grader... school refused to see the clear signs of Autism & test him.
• In December my youngest was diagnosed (finally!) with Aspergers Syndrome, a form of Autism. After my relief that someone besides me finally saw it.......reality hit. My son has Autism. Talk about a smack in the face.
• The car died it's final death. No emergency rescue could save it this time.
• Christmas found my sister half a state away, sick...... it just wasn't the same.
• 2011 started with everyone home sick at some point during the first 4 weeks of the new year.
• Still no job & things aren't looking good.... maybe February will be better.

It's now March 2011.

• My oldest is taking his Spring Break in Nicaragua on a missions trip. I pray it teaches him some gratefulness and humility.
• Another job interview gone nowhere.
• Horrible teacher finally had to be reported to administration & after months of making myself a pain in the school's butt, there will be a meeting...... which will be on the teachers' permanent record. It should be interesting this afternoon.
• I'm starting to feel a bit like Job from the Bible.........

So discouraged right now. I'm in such desperate need for some positive things to be happening in my life. A decent job would be a great start.... so maybe I can afford to get my Grandmas' old car up & running so I can finally have a car again. I know so many in the world have so much less but there are huge burdens hanging over me now that I just can't seem to shake.

Long time, no blogging

Wow - last post was in August........ seems like a lifetime ago.
..........what has happened since......... lets see......... discovered son #1 has a seizure disorder in addition to the ADHD, ODD, & anxiety disorder, it's due to brain damage (birth defect) which is a bit ironic that my A/B student has brain damage.......son #2 has some autistic tendencies but they can't decide if it's just his weirdness related to ADHD, if it's a little OCD, or if he is actually on the Autism spectrum....... discovered I still can't pick a decent man......... started to foster a blind kitten, that lasted all of 5 minutes before we decided we HAD to adopt him ASAP, now my boys & I can't imagine life without Milton........ missed seeing my baby sis at Christmas due to weather & other stuff, I never see enough of her......... managed to make it through another semester of classes, had to postpone student teaching due to health issues with son #1.......... started student teaching in January, with 6 weeks left before I graduate I'm working on finding a teaching job, thankfully special education jobs are slightly easier to find.......... celebrated Granny's 94th birthday & my baby turned 13 in the same week.......... now, if I could just get rid of this random mono virus that has haunted me since last October, I'd be alright but, I'm spending my spring break time job hunting, lesson planning, and trying to get over being sick, what a joy......... I am so thankful God is always there for me.

Summer classes

Well, my summer has been spent either working or in the classroom but, tomorrow is my last class of the summer session.

Thanks to Illinois state government, I, along with around 5,000 or so students here at Northern Illinois University, will go without financial aid this upcoming semester. For most of us, that means no college. Here I am one semester from graduating and the money is cut off. All I need to do is student teach and then I can graduate with my degree in special education. Hopefully I can work & save enough money over the next year to apply again to student teach.

I hate to ask what else can happen! I don't think I really want to know.

Just a question

I know there aren't many who read this blog, but for those of you who do, I have a question.

Some friends & classmates and I were discussing the pros/cons of the "friends with benefits" thing. All individuals were/are currently unmarried, some divorced, some never married & one was widowed. The age range was 23 - 50+ years and was mostly women, only a few men & they were younger. I felt as though most of those involved were saying what they wanted other to hear, not their real thoughts/feelings/opinions. As I sat & listened to the discussion, there seemed to be no real truth coming out of anyone. I thought if I posed the question here in cyberspace, maybe I'd hear some real honesty. So, here's the question:

What do you think about "friends with benefits" and why?

Weird stuff......

OK - how is this for strange: I've been divorced for over 7 years, didn't wear my wedding ring for over a year before that. Last week I was driving to work & all of the sudden I freaked out because I got that weird feeling like my ring was missing. I haven't worn a ring on that finger in over 8 years. Why would that happen all of the sudden? Kinda creeped me out. I don't really want to tell my best friend because she over-analyzes everything. It's just weird.

Have a good weekend everyone.

Wow - long time since I posted....

I can't believe how long it's been since I've posted or read any blogs. I really feel out of the loop here. What's been happening??........ well let's see........

Alien #1 turned 15 years old.
Ex-hubby is still stalking me after 7 years - get a life weirdo.
Alien #2 is only 12 & taller than me now too.
The only mouse out of the litter I adopted as mine, died.
My plant that I rescued from sure death at work - it died too.
I haven't killed my children yet.
Summer classes have me snowed under with work & that creates stress.
I'm supposed to student teach in the fall but I don't have my teaching assignments.
Financial aid told me I was SOL to get any grants or loans for the fall semester.
"The" relationship isn't moving along as I had hoped. Probably never will. Why do I bother?
Made a new friend & study partner in my class this summer.
Mom & Dad went to Costa Rica to see my sissy & her hubby - I didn't get a t-shirt.

Overall - things have been overwhelming & I've been feeling rather melancholy lately. Don't understand what's going on.

Babies Everywhere!

Here is a picture of our babies at 2 weeks! PorkChop is the little guy with his eyes open & Sparky is the tiny one in the middle. So far, those are the only two with names because they're the biggest & smallest of the 5 remaining mice (we started with 7). These are also the two that are out of the nest the most. I'm not sure why Sparky is so small, he's always on the top of the heap! Maybe he burns off all the energy staying on top so he doesn't get squished by his siblings. Either way, he's the tiny one and my favorite.

The little ones are all over the cage now & Spots (mommy) has to gather them all in the nest every time she wants to nurse now. It's kinda funny to watch. I'm trying to get a clear video of it so I can post it here. By this time next week we'll be able to tell boys from girls and can separate them into two cages.

Pinky Picture

These are the pinkys! I got a better look at them yesterday and I think the head count is 7, not 8. It's still difficult to be sure. The Aliens are loving the cute little squeaky noises that come from the nest when everyone is hungry.

Although it's difficult to see in this picture, one is noticeably less pink (almost white by comparison) than the rest of them. I'm wondering if this mouse will have a distinctly different coat color than his/her litter mates. I guess only time will tell. I'll post more pics as they grow. Have a great Wednesday everyone - stay cool!!

Babies everywhere!

I would like to announce that Mr. Chunk & Spots are the proud parents of 7 (8?) new baby mice. The pinkys were born yesterday morning. Mother and babies are doing fine. Photos yet to come.

Sugar (my kitten) is loving the new sounds coming from what we call her "buffet", Spots calls it her cage.

Anyone want a mouse????

Sneaky Squirrls

From The Herald Times, Port Huron, MI

If he didn't see it happen, Ron Ceglarek said he probably wouldn't believe it.
A squirrel -- weighing about 3 pounds -- got up on its hind legs, tore a small American flag from a small staff next to a grave stone, rolled it up and carried it up a tree to a waiting mate building a nest.
It happened not just once, but about dozen times.
"He plucks them right off," Ceglarek, superintendent of Mount Hope Cemetery in Port Huron, said of a rogue squirrel that is stealing flags. "If I didn't see it, and I didn't follow the squirrel, I never would have believed it.
"But it is a band of tree rodents."
Every Memorial Day, volunteers put small American flags next to grave stones of the about 965 veterans buried at the Krafft Road cemetery.
All the flags were undisturbed during a Mass on Memorial Day. But the next day, cemetery workers noticed the flags were disappearing -- the small, wooden staffs still were in the ground, but Old Glory itself had been removed.
At first, the cemetery's staff was confused. Then, Ceglarek spotted the thief in action.
"It looked like he had a little bandana in his mouth," he said of the squirrel.
Ceglarek has collected a handful of bare staffs. The staples used to attach the flags remain firmly in place with pieces of red, white and blue fabric stuck to them.
The squirrels' nest is in Ward L of the cemetery --a ward now conspicuously without flags.
"Clean as a whistle," Ceglarek said.
The nest, which is about 45 feet up a spruce tree, can be seen by an observant cemetery visitor as red, white and blue cloth drapes over branches.
"Maybe they are trying to tell us it is going to be a hard winter," Ceglarek said with a laugh. "Why use leaves when you can get flags?"
As Ceglarek and Celeste Silvers, the cemetery's office manager, showed off the nest Thursday, one of the squirrels sat watching in a bush about 15 feet away. The other squirrel scurried around a nearby tree.
Most years, Ceglarek said the cemetery leaves the flags up until June 14, which is Flag Day. But, he said, the policy will be revisited.
"This crew here," he said referring to the squirrels, "is going to hamper that, no doubt."
"We're going to almost have to take them out early," he said. "They have one ward almost cleared out."
The other option?
"Shoot 'em," Silvers said. "But you don't want to do that."

"You must be the change you want to see in the world."
Mahatma Gandhi
(1869 - 1948)

What the ???!!!???

While doing laundry last night, I pulled this baggie of unidentifiable orange-ish mushy stuff out of the jeans pocket of Alien #2.

I sent a picture message to several friends offering $20 if the could identify the contents of the baggie. One person thought it might be cereal, another something cheesy, another friend simply called and asked what it was because she was dying to know! When I said I didn't know I was looking for suggestions her reply was, "Eeeewww!!!! Boys are so gross!!" It was at this time I reminded her that less than 6 weeks ago, she gave birth to a boy. She sighed.

My darling 12-year-old Alien #2 says his best guess is some cheese-related food product, maybe. I love being a Mom.

Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.
Robert Frost

I took the 43 Things Personality Quiz and found out I'm a

Self-Knowing Romantic Extrovert

My love of storms led to this photo......and a few more

I've never attempted to take a shot of an electrical storm before because my camera has never had the "photo burst" type of option. No longer! It only took 1148 photo burst pictures to capture my first lightening shots last Friday night as I drove through central Illinois with my friend.

Jail visit & my rantings

Wow! I don't know if I'll ever be quite the same. Saturday morning, I went with my best friend to visit her son in a maximum security jail. I think it was the most frightening day of my life.

We came into a small entryway & had to wait for the guards to buzz us in to the sign-in room. There we each had to provide our full name & address, social security number, drivers license number, relationship to the inmate, & 3 forms of ID. Additionally, my friend had to provide the plate number for her car & a corrections officer searched it. After that was done, we waited to be admitted into the next room.

When we were buzzed in, we were given our ID's back, searched, & sent through the metal detector, then searched again. Apparently, I have metal plates in the arch supports of my shoes & they almost took my shoes away. We couldn't take our ID's in so we had to lock them in up in a little locker along with the car keys. We were not allowed to take anything with us, I even had my chapstick confiscated & locked up until I left the prison. We were buzzed through 3 more doors & passed through an outdoor walkway with 12' cement walls topped with barb & razor wire. Then we sat for 4 hours in a room with 7 guards, 7 other inmates & their visitors. It was horrible.

To top it all off, my friend complains about how her son is treated so poorly for the first hour we're back on the road headed home. News flash here - if he hadn't screwed up in a major way, he wouldn't be there in the first place! Your son gets his laundry done, meals cooked, dishes washed, free cable TV, free room and board, and $10/month for sitting on his butt in jail for breaking the law. And you want me to feel sorry for him???!!!???

I work my butt off at two jobs, raise two special needs kids on my own, attend college full time, do all my own cooking, cleaning, & washing, I can't afford cable TV, I pay my own rent & utilities out of my meager earnings, and no one gives me shit for sitting on my butt all day. To top it all off, I have a crazy ex-husband that stalks me and I don't have an army of fully armed corrections officers protecting my ass 24/7! Do NOT expect me to feel sorry for him because he doesn't like the way he's being treated.

Sorry for the rant, I'm done now.

How much does the human brain weigh?

Well, Alien #2 has been having med trouble for some time now (almost a year). We have switched doctors and our new doc is working to get the right combo of ADHD meds to work for him. The insurance isn't cooperating so much. We finally get a medicine approved and need to increase the dose a little and the insurance throws a fit. This kid has been through 5 med changes in a month. Thanks to the insurance company, we have to keep changing meds because they don't feel the doctor is giving him the correct dose of the medicine. WTF? Who's the doctor here anyway?? I think we finally are getting close to the right dosage. It's about time.

Alien #2 also has ODD (oppositional defiant disorder), it's not pretty. When the ADHD meds aren't working, the child from hell surfaces along with the most obscene vocabulary you've ever heard. I've lost 30 lbs now. Not that I'm complaining, I need to lose the weight anyway.

Stress, however, is never a good way to lose weight. I think part of that is the loss of my mind, how much does the human brain weigh anyway? My sanity doesn't weigh much, but it's gone too. Misplaced with bills I forgot to pay - I'm sure of it.

Alien #1 doesn't help much either. Being the bigger of the two, he feels it is his right and his duty to annoy his brother at every opportunity. This does not make for a good combination. I'd like to kick his a** but at almost 6' tall, I can't reach his butt to kick it anymore! I knew he would be tall, but he's only 14!!

I told my best friend I needed a weekend off. So, she says take off overnight with me & my hubby can watch the aliens while we have a girls night out. COOL!

There's a catch - isn't there always. Now that I've committed myself to going on this overnight, she informs me we're headed 5 hours south of home to visit her son in jail! And this is supposed to de-stress me??? Visiting a convict in a maximum security prison???? Granted, it was minimum security & they upgraded it to max while he was in there. Since he only had a few months left to go, they left him in there rather than transfer him to another jail. Still, I have no desire to go meet her son under these circumstances or any other for that matter. I know what he did and why he's there. If it were one of my aliens, I doubt I'd go visit. The whole situation, it's just too weird.

I must have done something really horrible in a former life. It's the only explanation.

Kitty Litter??

Monday morning the oldest alien (14) comes downstairs to make breakfast the following is the conversation that followed.

Alien #1: Mom, I had the weirdest dream last night!

Me: Really? What about?

Alien #1: We were trick-or-treating.

Me: Well, that's strange for this time of year I guess.

Alien #1: We were trick-or-treating for - get this - kitty litter!

Me: Did you wake up with something dry & crunchy in your mouth??