Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Hit # 3

Well, the insurance company totaled out my car (cosmetic work only), I bought it back and added another $400 to the tab and paid to have my baby fixed. I got my car back last Thursday at 5:50 pm. I was thrilled! The engine that starts in any weather and runs like a dream. I was on cloud 9. The fact that it looked nice again was just icing on the cake. What I really wanted was the fantastic engine that was in it.

Coming home from work tonight, I hit another deer. I've had my car back one week and I hit another of those damn hairy beasts. I didn't kill this one & what's worse, it was a young one.

A plain-clothes (I later learned) state officer happened by as I was hanging up with the 911 operator and stopped to see if I was ok. I told him I was fine but the police needed to shoot the deer because it was still very much alive and trying to escape with it's back end crushed. He identified himself as an officer, showed me his badge and then waited while I turned away before he fired a shot into the deer to end it's suffering. But one shot didn't do it and he had to shoot it again.

He had to stay around until the local officer came because he'd discharged his firearm and had to report it to another officer. He also made sure I had a ride home before he took off & left.

I wanted to walk up and kick that damn thing in the ass I was so mad!

My insurance man is so pissed.

Dad wants to take me hunting - says he's gonna let me drive around the fields to flush them out so he can shoot them (it's been a bad season).

I just want the hair out of my grill and my headlight back again. Damn it all.

Sunday, January 23, 2005


I know I joke a lot about the kids being aliens and the silly crap at work, deer "hunting" with my car but this post isn't any of that. The stress of the last several months has gotten to me. This isn't a pity-me post or anything of the sort. It's a place to vent which is why this blog was begun - a place for me to say whatever was on my mind, happy or sad, silly or serious. If no one likes what I have to say in any of my posts, they can move on & not return to my blog, my feelings won't be hurt, it's their choice. Just as it is my choice to let forth tonight with some serious venting.

In the Fall of 2002, with the help of the police, my children and I were rescued from our home. My husband had been terrorizing us non-stop for almost 24 hours before I was able to get a safe moment to call 911 for help. I almost didn't live until the police arrived. I find child porn on my computer and turn my soon-to-be-ex into the police for it. ( A year and a half later, I have to fight to get my PC out of the evidence lock-up. They never even looked at it. The police said I was just trying to "get even" with him.)

Three months later, I moved out of my parents home where we had been staying since our rescue and I started a full-time job. Life was looking up. I was having some trouble with the boys but nothing serious and was trying to get counseling for all of us after the abuse I had suffered at the hands of my soon-to-be-ex-husband. I managed to get weekly counseling sessions with a pastor who had his degree in family counseling - I thought this would be perfect. He turned out to not understand anything about domestic violence and within 6 months, I fired him.

My job turned sour, the kids got a little worse. My divorce became final it was now one year later, Fall 2003. We had been attending a support group at our church and it was helping us heal, slowly, but we were on the mend.

The local domestic violence advocates became a rather attractive alternative for help. Again, it didn't take long for things to go sour there. The children's counselor basically blamed me for my ex-husbands' abuse of the children and myself. That brought that "counseling" to a screaming halt. She had managed to undo everything my church group had accomplished. And work was getting worse by the second.

By March of 2004 I had quit my job because of the total disregard for regulations regarding the safety of the children there and the licensing agency's lack of interest in the violations. Add to that the owner/director had a horrible temper, drank on the job, rarely paid us on time, frequently bounced paychecks and was in general an ass.

May rolled around and I still hadn't found a job. I was living off of my income tax refund and a little part time clerical work at a local temp agency. And the children were getting worse with their attitudes.

By early July, I had to quit going to our church group because it cost too much in gas money to drive 45 minutes each way to get there and I still didn't have a job.

Mid-July rolled around and I finally got a job, with a significant pay cut and a 45 minute travel time on the end of each day in a car that sucked gas like it was free. I could barely pay my bills but at least I had a job.

September - kids are not off to a good start in school, already teachers are complaining about missing homework assignments and their attitude at home is really bad. Total lack of respect for me. I'm getting to the point of feeling seriously depressed. Late September brings to light my worst fears, my ex-husband molested both children. I file all the reports, talk with the police and family services people and in all the mess, end up losing four precious days of pay which I could ill-afford to do. My boss is not sympathic to my situation and basically tells me to suck it up and leave my personal problems at home. Thank you for being so understanding you b*tch. So much for working for a Christian organization.

I'm now officially a mess and end up on anti-depressants and the children are getting worse. There is little help out there for single moms with very little cash. I know you're all going to blast me with all the social service agency names in the book that will "help" me. I've been through it all and there is little or no help for me unless I'm willing to take a significant amount of time off of my job to accept their "help". I can't pay the bills on what I earn now, I sure as hell can't pay them working part time folks.

October - my uncle dies
November - trash my car hitting a deer, and the kids are so bad I'm considering foster care at this point.
December - I hit another deer totaling my car the Tuesday before Christmas. Grandma died, we buried her the Sunday before Christmas. The children are getting worse by the second. My employer could only worry about if I was gonna miss any time off so close to the holiday - did I "really need to attend that funeral if it wasn't going to be on the weekend?" Yes folks - I was actually asked that question by my boss. After all, it wasn't like it was my parent, it was only my grandparent. After several months of waiting to find out if the police will arrest my vile ex-husband, the news comes to me - Yes, the Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS) investigating the claim believes my children. No, the police will not be doing anything about it.

Now it's January 2005. At a significant cost to me, I did get my car repaired. Christmas was anything but truly joyful for me, it seemed rather hollow this year. The stress and depression are becoming overwhelming to me. My oldest son is becoming more aggressive by the day and my younger one is following in his footsteps.

The finding of guilty by DCFS was supposed to be a victory. They were supposed to not only find counseling for my children and myself, but they're to be paying for it as well. To date, I have been able to make contact with the man that took the report one time. Help was promised "right away"......... three weeks later, nothing. My children do nothing but fight with one another, frequently it becomes physical. I am beyond being able to function as a normal human being. I am seriously void of most emotion. I've gone so far as to having to call the police on my oldest son (age 10) for beating the crap out of his 7 year old brother. They basically did nothing - no blood, no foul. It doesn't seem to matter that at least twice a week I'm pulling kid #1 off of kid #2 and sitting on him until he can calm himself down

And so, here I am. Sad, depressed, alone, frustrated. I am at the point I don't want to get out of bed in the morning and if I get fired for not coming into work, who cares? I am beyond caring. I have fought so long to get help for my children and I, all to no avail. Don't ask me a thousand and one questions of "have you tried _______ agency?" or "Acme Agency will help anyone" or whatever. I have called, and called, and called. I have knocked on doors, begged, pleaded, yelled, cussed, cried, you name it. Unless I am willing to give up my job, I will not get counseling for us. Period. If I give up my job of my own free will, no social service agency will help me because I "quit". It's a catch 22 - I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't. Such is the story of my life. No I don't have family to help - that is another story in itself. If it weren't for the garbage there, I probably wouldn't have gotten into the sorrid mess I'm in now.

Again, I don't want your pity. Pity doesn't help me. I just need to let it all out. I'd like to say I feel better after spewing the garbage that is the real essence of my life but I don't. Yes, I'm a Christian however, faith is a difficult thing to have after a period of time of being beaten down. Not impossible, but in my case, next to impossible.


I just heard something you NEVER hear in our small town of 4100 people - the fire engines take off out of the station a few blocks from our apartment, sirens blaring.

The last time anyone heard that was almost a year ago when the elementary school I attended burned to the ground. The staff managed to get all the students out and there were only minor injuries suffered by the firefighters themselves. All staff & children were safe. It was such a big deal that it made the news in New York - one of the daily morning shows aired it.

Crap - now the ambulance and police cars are screaming past - this could be very bad.


I know why some animals eat their young.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

World's Record Holder

Well, the aliens' hamster, Bubbles, is (un)officially the hamster world record holder for stuffing the most Chex cereal pieces into her cheek pouches.

The aliens, not to be out done by my students, managed to her THEIR hamster to stuff 11 - that's right folks a big eleven pieces of cereal into it's cheek pouches without blowing up!

I can't believe my life has come to this - blogging about hamster-stuffing. geez.


Today I took a little of the stale Chex to work for my students to give to the classroom hamster, Clover. I told them what the aliens had done giving the hammy at home 7 of them to stuff her cheeks. Bad idea.

Next thing I know, my students are shoving piece after piece of cereal into the hamster cage for Clover. She managed to get no less than 10 pieces of cereal crammed into her cheeks before giving up!

Clover decided to take her treasure up the steps to her exercise wheel for storage. She's a hamster after my own heart. Her exercise wheel is where she makes her bed & stores her food. I think if she were human, she'd eat chocolate by the pound and be my best friend.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Freedom....... to find your own bedding?

I knew it would happen sooner or later, my students were messing around the hamster cage at work, in my rush to get home to the aliens, I didn't check the door on Clover's cage. I came into work to find the neat stack of light green construction paper strung all over the science table, some of it half-covering the front of Clover's hamster cage.

As I started to walk across the room, I realized the cage door was open! I asked my aide where Clover was and she gave me a puzzled look. When I told her what was wrong, the entire class ran over to the cage. NO CLOVER. However, there was a huge pile of construction paper she had helped herself to to make new bedding before she left on her little adventure into the classroom.

As I picked out the big pieces of paper, I saw her. She was in her cage the whole time. It seems the came out long enough to destroy the better part of 6 large pieces of construction paper, dragging about one whole sheet into her cage, made a nest and went to sleep. It had to have taken her all night to do it from the looks of things.

Odd little creatures.

Monday, January 17, 2005

Chex Cereal

I gave the aliens a partial bag of stale corn & rice Chex cereal to feed to the hamster, figured it was ok to give her, it's grains.

The little beasts give her one after another until she's got 7 whole cereal pieces stuffed in her cheek pouches! Then, brilliant creature that she is, the hamster crawls into the little tube connecting the bottom of the cage to the "penthouse". All you hear is a loud cereal CRUNCH as she shoves her head into the tube & climbs up to her sleeping/storage quarters.

Sunday, January 16, 2005

The Barber Shop

It may be my imagination, but I think the aliens (AKA: that which I gave birth to) used my needlepoint scissors to trim the hair on the hamsters butt.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Wrong Actions for the Right Reason....

First, the snow never happened - we were supposed to get a half inch of ice on everything and then be covered by another inch or so of snow. We got very little ice and a few flurries, thankfully, nothing closed.

Big news of the day: My 10 year old son got into his first fight over a female. He and his brother take the bus to a daycare provider's home after school each night (much to their dismay). The boy sitting behind him (age 10) was picking on his little sister ( age 5). My son turned around and told him it wasn't nice to pick on girls even if they were your sister. So the kid starts picking on my son. Still my son sits and takes it. Then the kid starts seriously poking and pinching his little sister and shoved my younger son off the bus seat into the aisle. That's when son #1 jumped into action. He told the kid if he was gonna hit someone, it had better be him, not a little kid. So, the bully hit him. My son pounded the tar out of the kid just long enough to make him stop hitting then jumped off and ran to tell the nearest adult what had happened: the bus driver. All this garbage took place over a 15 minute period on the school bus while it was in motion.

I am proud of him for defending the little girl. I am proud of him for defending his little brother. I'm glad he controlled himself enough to only fight as much as he had to in order to end the fight. He thought I'd be furious with him. All I could say is, "Sweetie, your heart was in the right place. Mommy doesn't like to hear you hit someone but you did it defending someone weaker. You did the wrong thing for the right reason.

Sunday, January 09, 2005

More Snow?

Great, we've got a winter weather watch out starting Monday (tomorrow) night and running through Tuesday night. I've got this little weather program that's rather nice (and free) called "Weather Bug". It very kindly keeps me up to date on the weather in my area when I'm online.

We better not get hit with so much snow that I miss work again. I can't afford it.

I'm sure the kids would be thrilled to be out of school again and testing the durability of their new boots and sleds though. hehehe

Friday, January 07, 2005

Yippee! Back to Work!

Well, it finally stopped snowing completely yesterday afternoon at about noon or a little after. We got a total of about 9 or 10 inches of snow, they had more further North of us. The kids were excited to get back to school and I was going nuts shut up in the house - glad to be back to work if only for one day.

Oh, well work a day, off a couple, work a day, off a couple.......... it's an easy life but rough on the paycheck for sure.

Thursday, January 06, 2005

Snow Day #2

Ok - yesterday was cool, now I'm ready to go nuts being home, shut in and unable to even get to the store for chocolate which I am seriously craving. I need my fix or I'm gonna go through DT's pretty soon.

Again, I'm not so sure that my employer is thrilled with my choice to remain off the horrid roads in the area but that's her problem, not mine. I can't get fired for it, I can't get in any trouble at all for it because again, the local police are advising no travel at all.

And the snow is still falling.......... I thought it would've stopped by now but it's still coming down.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Snow Day!

Whoopie! School's closed again. This time it's do to the storm that has hit much of the upper Midwest and stretched East. The daycare where I work is far enough South of where I live that they didn't get the snow, school closings, or the bad roads we got. Work was open. I think they were a little ticked off that I wasn't going to brave the snowstorm and drive 20 miles to work in the mess. It started snowing last night about 5:30 p.m. and it hasn't stopped yet. We could get up to 12 inches of snow before this is all through on Tuesday so the roads are only going to get worse. I figure if the county and state police are advising I keep my car and my butt parked at home, who am I to argue?

The kids can play in the snow and I can sit on my butt for a change and play on the computer -to heck with the dishes - I'm taking a snow day too today. :)

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Back to School

Thankfully, school was back on today & the kids were really excited to get back to school and see their friends, show off new clothes and brag about who got the coolest toys. Life is good for them.

Monday, January 03, 2005

School's Closed

Well, today was the kids first day back at school after Christmas vacation and due to an ice storm, school was canceled. So my kids spent the day at the daycare playing video games in their new Christmas clothes. They were so disappointed they didn't get to show off their new clothes to their friends.

Saturday, January 01, 2005

Happy New Year!!!

How did you toast the coming new year? I toasted the new year with a dose of Nyquil and a box of tissues at about 8:30 December 31st & went to bed. Woohoo! Big party for me! lol Damn sinus infection. Oh, well.

My big plans for the evening were to sit in front of the new DVD player with the kids and eat junk food on the sofa until we all burst from the salt & sugar intake. We did manage to eat a large quantity of junk food and watch some movies, Mom just left the party early. The aliens were up until after 10:00 p.m. watching the boob-tube.

Hope all my fellow bloggers have a great new year!