Depression.......

Well, I've finally had to admit it, I am really depressed. Not just "feeling blue", but the kind of depression they give you medication for. The stress of being a single parent, the financial strain of being unemployed for almost six months without unemployment benefits, my ex-inlaws harassing us almost weekly, a new job that doesn't pay my bills (& I don't like it anyway), my Grandmother is dying slowly, it's all too much to handle when you add the fact that my ex-husband has sexually abused my children and the police aren't doing squat about it. The garbage of the last two years has taken it's toll. I was such a mess I had to leave work early on Wednesday and ticked-off everyone I work with.

I work with a bunch of 20-somethings that have never experienced anything in life. Their lives revolve around doing the least amount of work possible to get their paychecks so they can go out and party with their live-in boyfriends on Friday night and shopping with their friends on Saturday. I shouldn't say they all live with their boyfriends, half of them still live at home with Mommy & Daddy, attend college part-time & work part-time. However, you get the idea. They don't have any idea what life is all about.

To top if all off, the director asked me today about justifying paying three teachers in our classroom of 18 children. We have three very distinct groups of children almost equally divided. One group of children is advanced, one group is above average, and one group is seriously lacking in basic skills. We usually divide them up and work with them in these groups on basic skills (writing their names, etc.) I told her I really felt that we needed all three teachers to offer the children the best we could offer them. I am the ONLY full time teacher in the room so I don't seriously think that my job is on the line but I'm concerned. So even though I really dislike this job, I'm out there looking for a new job & toying with the idea of going back to college full-time myself, I'm still concerned that I will be squeezed out for someone younger with fewer "issues". I want to leave on my terms.